Before I die

I keep hearing my friends and co-workers talk about things they want to do before they die... So I thought I would make a list too:

20 things I want to do:
#1. Backpack Europe for 2 weeks
#2. Be married again
#3. Bike Ireland
#4. Vacation with my 2 brothers (just the 3 of us)
#5. Moms and Daughters trip
#6. Be friends with my ex husband
#7. Watch my children be in love


Of course not in that order and there are plenty more things I will add... just not today.

Miracle Whip

Not the mayo kind...

So many things have such a miraculous spin on them...

Sasa went to the Dr. last week, for the first time since the diagnosis there has been no growth!!! She was originally given a 6-9 month expectancy, we are in the 10th month, the swelling is going way down to the point she looks like herself again, she is walking with assistance now, seeing better and generally feeling better. By no means has the cancer gone away but she is feeling better. Someone is being gracious.

Im not into any supersticious stuff... tarot cards, aura readings or other like things. however in flight last week, one of the other flight attendants sat down with me... said she has been reading me and would like to share if I was cool with it.... ME: "well I suppose it cant HURT me" she starts off by saying I may not like some of it... yikes. She says im strong minded yet weak hearted, I hold on to things, words, momentos and material things to keep memories alive that are ok to let go of... The man I am with will only last another year or 2... The next man I meet will be the one for life... I will not have anymore children... My family is strong and close yet controversial... said my son is exactly like me.

I never told this woman anything about me, not even that I had children... and she kept calling me Gretchen which is the name of the girl my ex husband had an affair with?! Creepy but intriguing.

Bitter bus driver

Why after 4 years is he still an ASS??!!

Why can't we all just get along? Aparently I am a mean nasty horrible mother because I chose a different path. Fingers are pointed at me, accusations are made and opinions are formed even though people dont have the FACTS! I am SO SO SO tired of it.

I will be the FIRST to admit I am NOT a nominee for mother of the year. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids!!!! And would love to have them with me full time. HOWEVER I am not in as good of a position as their dad is at this point (or the point the decision was made). I don't own my home, I have no family here in Co. I am not married to my boyfriend whom I live with and financially not as stable as their dad. I FELT it was a better scenario for my kids to be closer to their families, live in a home they felt safe and comfortable and not to mention I was threatened and badgered into the whole situation. Whats done is done, my kids live with their dad full time and spend half their summers with me and every other holiday, I try to go home once or so a month and talk to them on the phone daily. Another BIG part of why things are the way they are is.. the X husband will FIGHT, he will hire lawyers and fight tooth and nail to get what he wants JUST to prove a point that I am no longer his boss as he puts it. I dont want to put my kids through that, its hard enough on them to be from a broken family and to hear their parents fighting

My daughter is 11, her dads fiance took her and had her hair highlighted and lowlighted, I think its looks terrible, Im pretty upset about it and feel they should have talked to me first out of courtesy. Fiance calls me this morning telling me I have no say in what happens at that home and that she will do what she wants with my kids because she is their full time caretaker. The dad has no health insurance on the kids... wait thats because he has NO JOB!!!

I am up to my eyeballs in disgust. I look forward to the day my kids can speak for themselves.

Northern Lights

I got an Anchorage layover last week. Yipppppeeeee!!

I truly love Alaska for a few days a year... I didn't do much but I tried. I sat stand by for a sea plane ride... got bumped. They were flying up over Mt. McKinley on the most gorgeous day of the year.. I was bummed but hopefully next year it will work out for me.

The flight back to Denver is a red-eye.. tough!!! 5 hour flight with everyone around you sleeping, farting and snoring.. gooosh... yick! The highlight however was that the flight deck allowed the 3 of us to enter the cockpit one at a time to see the Northern Lights.. AMAZING!!! I never thought I would actually see it with my own eyes.. from an airplane none the less!!

While in Anchorage I met a couple... Michael and Debbie (I think, Sorry) I do know however that Micheal had made plans to visit Alaska with his wife a year ago for her 50th birthday. They flew into Fairbanks from Baltimore MD planned an adventure in the Alaskan forest, Michael was bitten by what they believe was a Brown Recluse spider... dirty rotten little scoundral!! His poor leg looked like a steak gone bad, it ballooned up and they were forced to charter a plane off the mountain to a fairbanks hospital then to an Anchorage hospital... The made the best of what was left of their short lived vacation.. by being together and enjoying what they could. They were the kindest people I have met in ages!! They bought my dinner at a restaraunt/tavern called Humpys. Very kind! I hope they made it back to BWI safely!!

Whole fan-dam-ily

I finally went home for a weekend.

I avoid it, crying is so DRAINING and I knew it would be hard to see and experience the total deterioration of a young loving person.

We all spent the day saturday at my uncles house in Scappoose.. all but my brothers.

Aunt SaSa looked pretty good considering, she felt well and smiled when she could. I cant seem to process any of it, I just cry about the things she will miss and that we will all miss her. I try to imagine the day when I get the call and where I will be and how quickly can I get home. I really just DONT KNOW.


The girls...

The Boys...