Waitress at life's cafe

I have recently realized that everyday is a new day a new opportunity and new beginning. Quite amazing that at 30 years old this is news to me. Well its not really news I guess its more of a stark realization.

I have never been alone, I have never had to take care of just me. I never really wanted to. I have always had people around me.. ALWAYS.

In highschool I had an awesome circle of friends, I even had circles outside circles. I had siblings all around.. And I truly mean all around. I had family coming out of my ears. I was just never alone. I learned very young how to be dependent on others. Not in a bad way, I don't believe I ever took advantage of anyone, except maybe my parents.

I sat here Sunday Mothers Day. Alone, sadly alone. I am a mother and this is the first time I have haven't shared this "holiday" with someone, my children, my mother or sisters. I cried of course. Blamed everyone but me... It stunned me realizing that I CONTROL it! I decide I'm not waiting around the house for D to get home and entertain me. I don't need him or anyone with me to eat out. I CAN enter the library solo, they actually allow that.

Sunday was my day for personal liberation. I tied on my sandals.. Actually I slipped them on, cute new tevas.. Anyhow. I hopped on my bike rode to the library picked up 4 books. One about NYC as with or without D I am going to NYC in September so I want to have a plan'ish as to what I want to see and do. Another about 10-20 mile bike rides in and around Denver, great for me as I want to embrace the city the best I can since I'm here for now. Then I got NYC with kids, I want to take the kids to NYC next summer or this Christmas. And finally I got "mike, mike and me" a chick book, about a woman that let a guy go married another guy and the let go guy comes back. I left the library feeling like "wow that wasn't so bad, I can do that a lot" I cycled the 2 miles back home dropped my books off, took a deep breath and headed for Noodles and company. I pulled up to the front, locked up my bike, went inside and turned back out. WHOA I couldn't do it. I couldn't go in there!! Not knowing ALL these people knew I was solo. I purposely left my phone at home so I couldn't call an unknowing enabler!! Ok then I came to my senses and realized I would have looked way stupid had I turned around and left. I went in I ordered my meal, sat down and read my NYC book. I felt my face and neck getting hotter and brighter and anyone that knows me knows how noticeable it is. The waiter came by asked if I was waiting on someone he could hold my meal. Grrr NO I'm not! I'm practicing being self sufficient and comfortable with it! I ate, I left!! I DID IT!!

I am always waiting. Waiting for others or waiting for myself to be content with me.

I had a great day as it came to a close!!