Crocodile tears

Some of my toughest times here in Denver are when I miss my family, when I am unable to be there for important things like babies and weddings and funerals and ball games.

My aunt was diagnosed in December with a cancerous brain tumor. She has been going through chemo and radiation the last couple of months. Her daughter (my cousin) had a baby in late february. I havent been home to see her since the news broke. I miss my whole family but right now I miss her. No less than at least once a day I think about her, about christmas at her house, about her smiles and friendly demeanor, how all the kids love her and call her sasa, I think about my uncle and the devastation he will feel if he loses her, about my cousins and the pain in their hearts. It sometimes overcomes me and I bawl about it for hours. My family is whole with her and I cant imagine it without her.

My dad was out to visit a few weeks ago... that in itself was hard. I saw my dad looking frail and tired. It scared me and made me sad. I noticed a light constant shake in his head and hands, his handwritting was obviously shaky which is a HUGE downturn from his very steady drafters hand writting. He was very confused. I didnt know what to think. Just hugged him!

My brother is (fingers crossed) coming home by Thanksgiving. My mom and older brother have been negotiating with the attorney and the state on the case and we may get to have him home for christmas this year!!

I get alot of days where I am here alone at least for half the day. I like to use these days to reflect and kind of meditate in my own little world. So this is what I do... I think about my family, I call them, I catch up, I scrapbook and I blog (seperatly).