Road home is straight and narrow...

So I am going home... Portland.

Denver, I dont love it. I dont hate it. Its just not home.

Its time, I dont want to be in Denver anymore. I have never fully adjusted to the point of feeling like this is home.

The only thing in Denver for me was D... And if D loves me like he says he does then D can come home too.

I came to Denver 12/2003 because I needed out, just out of a 9 year marriage that started fresh out of high school I hadn't grown up. Ive lived suburbia, I owned the house and cars and had the 2.5 children but it all happened so fast by the time I stopped spinning I didn't know who I was. I had an opportunity that allowed me to remain connected to my life in PDX. I had it all planned out. D took the job in Denver, I was only going to come out for 6-9 months. I came out and returned to PDX May of 04 stayed until August 04 couldnt find work in PDX so I came back to Denver where I had a job and didnt have to live with my parents.

Quickly and surely the webs were being woven and our lives were entangled. Whats his was mine and whats mine was his, purchases became joint decisions and we carried on like married folk. The house deal was dropped. I felt very betrayed and for some strange reason like my future wasn't as concrete as I thought.

D and I parting ways. He feels as though he needs to experience more and make a few mistakes in life before he settles down. In short, D has grown weary of our "playing house". He isnt ready to settle down become a father or step father, he isnt ready for "big boy" responsibilities, he owns EVERYTHING he has, holds absolutly ZERO debt and is only "33". I cant blame him. it hurts in SO many ways but I cant dwell on things I cant change, and I REFUSE to try to change something just so it suits me.

This has been a bigger struggle for me than I thought. I am losing My home, My best friend, my boyfriend, my confidant and a piece of my heart. Not to mention possesions, momentos, memories... I am leaving here with the clothes on my back, my car and my pride that I gave this relationship everything I had.

I am SO looking forward to going home. It will be hard for a while im sure. But there is more good than bad atthis point. It stinks that I cant be 100% independent immediatly but one thing at a time is good enough for me.

So the road home is straight and narrow.