Kids and I playing with MAC again!

The day came.

The day we didn't want to come...

Aunt Melissa died last night. As painful as it is for her loved ones... we ALL know and realize its what is best for her. No more pain and no more suffering.

I think I have been waiting for this day to grieve about Uncle Tom as well... The flood gates opened when I got the call last night. She reached her 50th birthday on May 31st. Uncle Tom was entirely to young too.

The fear of getting older and accepting that our relatives are aging is getting to me.

MacBook

I finally bought a new computer.. a little MacBook easy to travel with!

Boog and I had fun with the photobooth!!

The past is always so present

I am trying to be really strong and really big these days.

I swear every curve ball is streaming RIGHT AT ME! ARGHHHHH!! No wonder people do stupid things.

In the last 60 days I have been drug through hell and back. Im still standing and im strong with weak tendencies!

-March 14th I moved out into my VERY OWN place! Scary and good
-Marchish D and I decided we would work on us apart, we have so much love for each other yet so much resentment and confusion.
-April 8th D failed to tell me he met someone and was carrying on a "relationship" with her, coupled with the stratling facts that she is young and not his typical eye catcher, I was taken WAY back and blown away, I felt like the day when I saw my husband fully engaged in an affair, I was torn to pieces.
-Aprlish I was told Sasas time is so limited I should come home and see her, I did this.
-May still dealing with the D situation and tring to accept that he screwed me over to screw someone else!! He is in and out of my life like a cancer.. he loves me one minute and hates me the next, he calls me and texts me and apologizes then tells me to piss up a rope! CONFUSION!!
-Mayish I meet someone I really enjoy but not looking to get terribly involved. D ruins that too!!
May 15th I get THE phone call!! Am calls crying... its Melissa for sure, I knew she was gone. NO ITS MY UNCLE Tom!! Amys dad passed in his sleep. WTF seriously I cant take anymore!

I am digging for the sanity!! I am so sentimental and thoughtful its hard for me to walk away from things. But I HAVE TO MAKE this a very concious effort to extract D from my life like a poison he is destroying me from the inside out!!

GREAT NEWS though!!! I have lost ANOTHER 30 lbs!! I am back to high school size and feeling very good about it!!

My fine...

My fine is $410.60
Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. When you are done, post your score as a comment. Title your post "My fine is $........" You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.
Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped-- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know-- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk-- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work-- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

The Bachelorette-ish

Well here it is... My new apartment, new couch, new TV, new end tables and not much else. Quite proud of myself for actually doing it!!

Here is a collage of the kids I put together and hung on the wall! Cute. I bought my TV at Costco for waht I feel is a DEAL!! and the picture above it is a series of flower pictures I took and framed.

I am happy to be on my own but BOY is it lonely. Thankfully im only here 5-7 nights a month... not that hotels are better.

I joined the Y... I work TONS of overtime... getting back on track feels really good!

When the end is so close yet SO far away

I wish I was one of those people that could JUST LET GO! Buh-BYE!

I was really hoping that my move would be a clean break and a thanks for stopping by my life but im thinking it wont be as easy as I hoped!

I dont physically move until the 14th of March which seems like a light year away. I know when the actual day comes though I will be sad and confused.

Its all good and I know this, we aren't great together hell we aren't really even that good together. Its so very time... when every connecting thread is snapped, there are NO happy days and no quality anything. The unfortunate thing is there has been SO MUCH mental and sometimes verbal abuse I am ashamed. Im a really strong person and I let this happen for some reason.

I look forward to this time to myself and my kids and my friends.

A big girl now.

I jumped ship!

After 4 years.. err well 32 years I am moving out on my OWN!!! Who'da thunk it??!

D and I haven't been GREAT so I have decided to move out and live alone. I am SO SO excited and very very sad! All these emotions that are from one end of the spectrum to the other is draining and fatiguing. We are hoping to maintain AT LEAST a friendship... Ultimatly we are hoping to understand each other and learn whether we are really meant to be one thing or the other.

I had status quo for nearly 10 years. I want GREAT now I want what I want and I dont need to feel bad about that. I know relationships aren't easy but I dont believe you should have to work SO hard for contentment.

Its been exciting buying all my own stuff and decorating the way I WANT to. To hang pictures of my choosing where I want to, picking my colors and putting things where I want them. I am most excited about leaving my home and returning to find it the same way I left it. I also get to watch whatever I want and the TIVO wont be monopolized with history and war movies and how airplanes work.

I will miss a warm body. Someone to cook for and eat with... My best friend. Bike rides and movies and someone to talk to for no reason.

So I got a little 1 bedroom apartment in a GREAT neighborhood of Denver. Its new and clean, access controlled so a bit safer for a single woman being alone. I move in just a couple of weeks!

I am working alot to afford some new furniture and decorations... not to mention every little thing from TP to linens to food. ALLLLL NEW!

Snow snow go away..

I have CABIN FEVER!!! I HATE this snow! Its came the 19th of December and the only asphalt I have seen since is on the highways. There is still 2 feet in my yard and the roads in the neighborhood are packed ice, makes it hard to drive on. COUPLED with the STUPID people that cant drive in this crap...

I woke this morning to another 3 inches on top of it all!! I cant go out for a walk because its blowing sideways. I just want to go to the library.

It seems to snow a few more inches every weekend... I really cant take it anymore.

Someone had better come dig me out and give me a proper burial!! Im going to die from boredom.

Tis' the season

I am dreading the travel season next week... YIKES!!! Crazy busy!! You think tax season is crazy for accountants.. try being a flight attendant the week before Chrsitmas!!! Word of advice.. YOU pack it??!!! YOU rack it!!! Those suckers are HEAVYYYY and chances are if you cant lift it.. ME EITHER!! And please be nice to us if your flight is delayed!!! We had nothing to do with the delay and want to get you there ASAP too!! No we dont serve peanuts, Sorry!

Sasa isnt doing so well, she is having dizzy spells a few times daily and is weak and tired. Headaches are back too. I realize this will be her last Christmas or is supposed to be, very hard to accept. Although when she was diagnosed one year ago today she was given 6-9 months... we are 12 months into this terrible ordeal and she is still with us.

My little sister Annie had her baby on the 11th in the evening a girl named Cameron 7lbs and 9oz... Black hair.

I am heading home on monday night for a few days to spend time with my family... looking forward to it but sad.. knowing I could be saying I love you for the last time to sasa... Christmas will never be the same.