Why couldn't I have been a BOY!!

As I sit here at work all alone in a building that employs 300ish people. Not only am I working quietly and peacefully and getting alot done, I am wondering!! WONDERING, WONDERING about way too much!! Why didn't I go to college. Who would I be if I had. What has happened to all my high school friends. Did I do something or not do something to have lost touch with them. Will I have more children. Will D and I get married. What colors do I want this time around. Flowers.... what the... who cares.

Then my thoughts change so randomly, I sit here in my office with my Yahoo launchcast BLARING!! the song changes from Echo and the bunnymen where I am bobbing my head and really enjoying myself thinking I dont have it so bad afterall... To John Michael Montgomery singing a country song about love and life and OH MY GOODness its that friggen song that I had my "dance" with my ex husband at our wedding, so I go from bobbing that head to hanging the head with guilt and wonder about why and how and the song finally changes.

Why couldn't I just have been a BOY... I wouldn't wonder as much. I would have been a totally different person, I probably wouldn't care as much about the past as I do.

Ok so im not a boy I have to deal with it and learn to like it heh.. Thankfully I like to buy shoes and I enjoy getting dressed and what woman doesn't like shopping?? Yeah Maybe being a girl isn't so bad!! I just need to learn to move forward and let the past be the past!!!