lil past, lil present and a lil future..

My future is so Bright!!

Finally at 30. I have so much to look forward to, I was married so young. I had the big beatiful (I think) wedding of my 80's dreams. I had found the perfect person, He was going to be a great dad and better husband, take care of his family and kids!! He was going to fit in with all my friends and relatives!! He was just going to be perfect. Problem was I just met him and we weren't in love yet!! I know, How stupid can that be. But I was 19 I knew what I wanted and how to get it and thats all that mattered to me at the time. Well it lasted 9+ years, and as quickly as it began it ended. I woke up one morning and I was done, I wanted no part of the turnoil anymore, I wanted no part of the unhealthy unhappy life we had lived for 9 years. I realized I didn't have to be his wife to be their mother, I didn't have to be married and feel safe and have a double income to be happy. So I left.

I met someone that has alot in common with me. then I met someone I had fun with. Wait then there was someone that I was TOTALLY attracted to and he was attracted to me!! OH MY GOODNESS had I known then that I could have this much fun I wouldn't have gotten married. The reality set in and my classes were suffering and I realized im not 19 again I need to act like an adult because I am one. All the dust settled and I met someone with all the qualities I mentioned above. I was instantly inspired to be who I was always affraid to be. ME!! I'm not a junk food junkie, I'm not lazy, I can't cook but I will try, I don't want to live in Portland my whole life. I'm not embarrassed to try!!

So I worked hard and achieved most of the things I tried, I can cook pretty good now, I lost 70+ pounds, I moved away from home and I am HAPPY!! I respect my boyfriend and I genuinly love him for who he is and who he is to me and others. We set goals together and acheive them together, we conspire to do things and do them right. He shows me things I have never seen takes me to places I have never been and says things I have never heard. I teach him things he has never been taught, he experiences things he hasn't experienced before. We argue and disagree but never say a negative word out of anger or lack of words to say. I know with or without him my future is much better that it ever could have been in that lost marriage.